Time to Let go?

..You can never truly know where life is headed. It seems quite silly then that we keep planning our lives again and again.
Why do we have so many hopes and aspirations when fulfilling them is all but a game of chance?
Why do we resort to blaming when we can't achieve something? What is destined will happen.

....
I have no Patience. 'He' hasn't done anything about the issue.
Oh n btw, I told him that I have issues with him sticking to other girls. He took it well- didn't protest or anything~
Good enough I suppose.
But anyway, he hasn't done anything about it. in his defense, he probably isn't doing this on purpose.. But why doesnt he understand that I feel insecure? I'm not sure of my position in his life! The beautiful rapport and animated chatter that was ever present in our convos has almost completely disappeared.

And I don't understand why I'm so truthful and frank perhaps even Rude with him.
Is it because I really trust him? Or because I just dont care anymore.

=| There is an actual chance of it being either one.
This disturbs me. What relationship do I share with this person? Do we even fit into each other's lives anymore? :(

Love hurts. Is it worth holding on? :'(

Kill me now..

Life is complicated.
Yeah everyone knows that, but just how much.. That is only understood by experience!

So the deal is this- I'm majorly depressed that the guy I'm in a relationship with, is a Huge Girl Magnet.
Yes it's that Sin they call Jealousy =/
Its not like I didn't know he was amazingly attractive and has basically the awesomest personality ever, but things were a lot simpler when we first started going out. :(

Sure jealousy is a part of every relationship. But this kind of a over-consuming insecurity is just killing me.

'He' has about two girls sticking to him/Trying to get his attention 24/7 and another one flirting with him occasionally.
Yep, how I made it this far Is a wonder
(15th month! :P)
So.. The even better part,
Both of 'them' are in a relationship! Well one of them recently broke up.. Maybe so that she could devote her time to singly serving Him. xP
And the other girl, is in a relationship which the society would describe as perfect but still Dreams about my guy seducing her.
Honestly, could my life get any better?

And I most definetly don't need this in my life now! Actually I don't need it ever!
But wtv
That's life. And it sucks.

When the Going gets Hard.

To be honest, I have a lot on my plate

Senior high is turning out to be Way more complicated that I thought possible...

Studies aside, simple relationships with people have turned Shallow, meaningless and unnecessarily complicated. But then again some people always stand out as trustworthy!

And I'm thankful to those few.. :)

Some say I run away from emotions, but the truth(as defined by me) is that I just have a different way of handling emotions.. I absorb them much slower and I hang onto them for much longer. I don't mind.

I like letting myself experience how I really feel in a moment. I want to wait till that moment actually gets over.

Whats the point of rushing around anyway?

Most people try to rid themselves of grief.. Is it honestly such a distasteful emotion? Must you not know sadness to truly appreciate joy.

And thats exactly what I'm doing. And I'm happy just the way I am.

So, the real question is, Can you accept me?

I stay lost

Hey..

At this precise moment, I should be doing my IT project work but instead I'm on the web apparently searching for pics. For my HW.

In my defense, that WAS what I was doing.. a while ago.

But Now, now I'm just wasting my time.. waiting for a video to buffer- House- to be precise!

I love that show, and now its almost an obsession

I swear my friends think I'm sprouting nonsense sometimes~

But then again, doesn't everyone? ;D

Anyway, I HATE my short attention span!

I was AM a straight A student and now I'm just trying to get above 60??

I can't concentrate in anything!

Its like I'm being taken over by a person who is crazy(ier than me), impulsive and wont sit still for 5 mins!

The worst part, I'm still the same on the outside. Quiet, shy, reserved... cold.

And that just Sucks.

I can neither be a complete go-getter nor the person I was!.. or at least the person I Believed I was..

This is so frustrating!

And the fact that finals are just a month away does not help!!

Okay.. Breathe..

You know, people say that when u realize that you are doing something wrong

half the problem is solved..

Well maybe so

But the part thats left over is a lot harder.

Because now, you have to decide HOW to correct your mistake

And Lord knows how hard that is!

They don't even make the HOW-TO-SOLVE-PROBLEMS-IN-(REAL)LIFE videos!

Anyway, I'm probably overreacting.. I'm hoping I am

Because I suck at handling stress.

... I suck at being who I want to be.

Omg

Its so nice to be Back and Blogging! :)

All these days spent away from blogging were filled with Drama..Insecurities..Heartbreaks..And the Usual~

But its also resulted in a major change of not only perspective but even my personality..

I couldn't be happier! :D

Which is exactly how I have been feeling since the past month.

Maybe its the fact that holidays are here, or that I finally know what it feels like to just be content..

To be confident and believe in yourself, even after others give up

Because let's face it, in the end I decide my own life.

:)

And to have finally sorted out my love lifee ;D

A girl can benefit from having a guy on her arm any day!

And!

Maybe because I had the best Christmas in Years!! :D

With 2 fudge log cakes (I dont even like sweet :P)

One smack-a-licious roasted chicken

And loads of junk food!

Oh!

And the gifts. Awesomeness.

Haha, I know I sound totally like a 13year old at a meet n greet.

But I'm happy, so there!

C'est la vie~

In Life,

Its always difficult to know who are FRIENDS and who are ENEMIES and who are FRENEMIES..

Lets start with Friends.

They know us. They support us. They love us. They trust you and you trust them.

They are extremely rare.. no matter what those damned emails tell you!

So if you find one, I suggest you grip her/him as hard as you possibly can! And Never let go...

And I doubt, I have any real ones left. Depressing. Wtv.

I'm antisocial anyway~ ;D

*woot woot*

And then there are Enemies.

They know us. Somehow still managed to hate us (go figure!).

But they're still an important part of our lives. Especially Teenage Years.

But I wouldn't really know... Cuz I never really had any actual Enemies. Or friends for that matter of fact.

Again guess who doesn't care?

:D

AND THEN THERE ARE FRENEMIES!

The most Interesting and Commonly populated among our species.

Available everywhere... In plenty... Sigh.

They sorta know you... They know how to use you... They are the sweetest beings on earth when they need a favor... They are cleverly manipulative... And somehow, they end up being your best friend. Fail.

x)

Mais, C'est la vie~ ;)

And I love it! Cuz, it helps me realize who I really am... :)

On the journey.. With a mission..

With Love...

Me :)

So it Begins here~

HI :)

So... Most probably no one will ever see this little treasure right here! My blog :D

Anyway, have to start somewhere, so Here goes-

I am Shaia(not my real name for reasons of confidentiality) ;D

I am in High School(unfortunately! Nightmare of a place this is! But more of that later on)

I'm a Virgo(Zodiac Sign) and proud to be one~

The reason I started the blog was because I needed somewhere to write! And what better place, than cyberspace :D *woot woot* I rhyme! ^_^

This idea of a blog has been on my mind since forever but you know what they say, New things Scare People (I have no idea if they actually say that. lol)

Anyway, Oh and I use the word Anyway a lot. I just love this word! Its such a beautiful filler and convo stopper(again unfortunately)

..... I guess you have already realized by now that, *sigh* I am very fickle minded. This idea of a blog itself has been such a To Do or Not To Do deal. (Yes, I love Shakespeare)

But, I have visited my fair share of blogs! And follow a few too. Its amazing how much closure one can find...

Just last week I was, well, to put it nicely, really down(majorly depressed). And then, I come across this one blog. Blew. My. Mind.

It was like this person was going through the exact same thing as me... I must have read all the posts like..(this is slightly embarrassing).. uh.. 6-7 times. But I have a valid reason! :P

This person had similar, if not exactly the same thoughts as me.

Amazed? I think so.

But after checking out her profile, I realized she was a Virgo- which in my mind is clearly very self-explanatory :) Because I really believe in Zodiac signs... well not COMPLETELY but enough to check out a new guy's compatibility with moi! (me in French)

(That's another of my obsessions! French: Language of Love!)

So this would be my First post on MY blog.

Not a lot to go on I admit, but once I start I am an invincible force!

(sheesh, THAT sounded lame enough..)

Anyway,
Ta-Ta for now~

With Love n Luck,
~Shaia~